Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

For some people, the fear of rejection doesn’t just sting - it feels like a deep wound that cuts right to the core of who they are. This experience is often called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). It isn’t an official diagnosis you’ll find in a manual, but it’s a term many people - particularly those with ADHD or a history of trauma - use to describe the intense emotional pain triggered by perceived or real rejection, criticism, or failure.

Growing Up Not Knowing Any Different

For those who have lived with RSD since childhood, it can feel “normal.” They may not even realise that their emotional responses are more intense than others’. If you’ve always felt like rejection meant something was deeply wrong with you, or if a small comment could ruin your whole day, you might have simply assumed this was just “how people feel.”

When a child grows up with these feelings, they often adapt their lives around them: avoiding risks, people-pleasing, hiding their true selves, or working twice as hard to prove themselves. Because it’s all they’ve ever known, they may not recognise that their reactions are rooted in something deeper than just “being sensitive.”

What RSD Can Feel Like in Daily Life

The experience of RSD can be exhausting. A single, misunderstood comment or action - a raised eyebrow, a piece of feedback, or a throwaway remark - can send someone into days or even weeks of internal turmoil.

You replay the conversation again and again in your head, thinking of the answers you could have given, the things you could have done differently. That one negative reaction begins to snowball into millions of misled thoughts, carrying you far beyond the facts of the matter.

The stress doesn’t just stay in the mind. It drain's the body too. Muscles tighten, the chest aches, sleep feels impossible, and you’re stuck in a constant state of fight-or-flight. While your brain endlessly replays those scenarios, your body never gets the chance to switch into “rest and digest.” Eating becomes difficult, nutrition suffers, and your brain function dips further - making the spiral even harder to escape.

To the outside world, that moment may have been insignificant, forgotten in seconds. Yet weeks later, you may still feel tense, drained, and unable to let go. This is the hidden weight of RSD.

Why Everyone’s Experience is Different

While many people with RSD share similarities, no two journeys are the same. One person might hide their feelings and become very quiet; another might lash out in anger when they feel rejected. Some may notice it only in relationships, while others feel it at school, work, or even in hobbies.

That uniqueness matters - because it means there isn’t one “right” way to live with RSD, and there isn’t one “right” path towards support and healing.

Learning to Challenge RSD

The truth is, RSD doesn’t simply disappear. But over time, you can learn to recognise it and gently challenge it. At first, this may feel impossible. Yet each time you notice it and say, “Not today, thank you,” you reclaim a little bit of space for yourself.

The process takes patience. It’s not about defeating RSD completely - it’s about building habits, step by step, that make it easier to resist the spiral. Even if you can’t stop it every time, stopping it sometimes is better than letting it drown you everytime.

Through understanding, self-compassion, and small daily challenges, you can learn to live alongside RSD - without letting it rule you.

Gentle Ways to Support Yourself

If you live with RSD, here are a few gentle practices that may help when the spiral begins:

☆ Pause and breathe - Place a hand on your chest, inhale deeply through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Remind your body that you are safe.

☆ Ground yourself - Notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This anchors you in the present moment.

☆ Write it out - Journalling your thoughts can help take them out of your head and onto paper, creating distance and perspective.

☆ Move your body - A short walk, some stretching, or shaking out your hands and arms can release tension and signal to your nervous system that it can begin to calm down.

☆Wrap your self up tight like a burrito, give yourself a hug - deep pressure can promote a sense of calming.

☆Hum or sing - vibrate those vocal chords, let out a big roar if you want to.

☆Colour a picture, listen to music, read a book - distract yourself from the negative thoughts.

☆ Cuddle a pet, a teddy or spend time with a friend or a loved one - find connection, give yourself some oxytocin.

☆ Offer kindness to yourself – Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend: “It makes sense I feel this way. I am safe. This moment will pass.”

These small steps won’t erase the intensity of RSD, but they can soften its grip. Over time, and with practice, they can become tools that help you say, “Not today, thank you.”

If you’d like to explore deeper strategies, my book offers techniques to face RSD a tiny bit at a time - helping you build positive habits that challenge it and give you more space to live fully, as yourself.